Regret Avoidance vs. Living and Learning

I was a high school senior deciding between college in my home town or 5 hours away. I meticulously weighed the pros and cons and spun up scenarios of different directions my life might take if I didn’t choose the exact right university. The back and forth had a deadline and I eventually decided to leave my home town. Five years later, I was 1 year into a job, married, and moving forward in life when it hit me...it didn’t really matter which school I chose. Either way, I would have chosen the same career path, likely married the same person (since he was a childhood friend), and my life would have been good. Some things would have been different, but it all would have turned out okay.

Do you ever find yourself immobilized in decision making because you fear regret? Maybe you feel that every decision needs to be made perfectly in order for your life to progress well. Fear of regret can make it hard to choose a school, take a job, commit to a relationship, make a move, or plan a trip. Worrying that every decision might be the wrong decision can keep you from enjoying your life and creates a stuck feeling of anxiety. What if there was a way to flip the script in your head about every decision being a chance for failure and regret? What if every decision is an opportunity to live and learn, to grow and become wiser?

I talk with hundreds of humans each year about various life decisions. Over time, I have observed and embraced the reality that most decisions don’t have one right path. Most decisions have some flexibility and you could choose one of various options and still experience a positive outcome. Of course there are poor, unwise decisions and we all want to avoid those. But outside of that, most decisions aren’t permanent, can be adjusted if needed, and produce growth and learning. It’s possible to define a life well lived as one characterized by growth and learning rather than by a list of specific accomplishments. So, how do you shift from a regret avoidance approach to a living and learning approach to life?

5 Ways to Shift from Regret Avoidance to Living and Learning

1. Identify the decision at hand and notice any fear of regret thoughts surfacing in your mind and body. Name the fear of regret to yourself and gently release the thought rather than obsessing about worst case scenarios.

2. Brainstorm decision options. Notice that most of the time, multiple healthy decision options exist. Narrow your brainstorm down to the top 2 or 3 decision options that seemwise and in line with your values.

3. Remember your decision history. Remind yourself of times when decisions have been flexible and could be adjusted over time. Remind yourself of times when decisions have produced growth and learning that resulted in positive change in your life. Remindyourself of times when even decisions you would make differently now taught you something important you might not otherwise have learned. Try journaling using theabove reminders as prompts.

4. Watch for life’s lessons. As you make decisions, watch for opportunities to learn, to pivot, to embrace a new skill or character quality. When something doesn’t go like you planned, reach for the learning, notice the discomfort, then be open to growing. Our greatest times of personal growth tend to result from unexpected and hard circumstances.

5. Embrace the resulting freedom from letting go of fear of regret. Lean into the joy of knowing the vast majority of your decisions are able to shape you into a more mature and whole person if you don’t resist the process. Try creating an internal message like,“I’m going to make a wise decision based on the information I currently have. I will make adjustments as needed. I will embrace all the growth and learning from the decision I’m making and choose not to regret it.” It’s okay if regret emerges from time to time. Gently dismiss it and move forward with your new approach.

Stephenie is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 20 years experience specializing in emotional/relational health counseling. Stephenie loves hearing others’ stories and helping people find new perspective that produces peace, healing, and connection through individual counseling. Stephenie provides treatment for adults, teenagers, and families with anxiety symptoms, parenting struggles, teen issues, depression, grief, divorce, and other life transitions. Realizing your life is out of balance and ready to schedule your initial counseling session? Connect here for information about counseling Stephenie provides and get your initial therapy session scheduled.

What's Your 2021 Story?

2020 is over and yet you may continue to face many of the same challenges as you enter the new year. It can be easy to feel resentfully stuck in survival mode and to view yourself as a victim of the pandemic and other major stressors of 2020. Isolation, financial challenges, racism, political change, value debates on social media, and missing the way things used to be. It’s all a lot to carry and work through as you hope for recovery and continue to walk in the mess.

Resolutions may feel trite and impossible this year as we limp along and try to hold it together. Honestly acknowledging our personal and collective discomfort and suffering is a healthy practice. However, getting stuck in bitterness and hopelessness only feeds the negative energy we are all hoping to escape. 

What if instead of writing resolutions, you were to ask yourself what you want your story to be at the end of 2021? 

While there are many circumstances in life that are often out of your control, you are in control of your behavior and choices. You get to decide how you’ll treat others, how you’ll talk to yourself, how you’ll live out your faith, how you’ll engage with your values, how you’ll take healthy risks, how you’ll respond to challenges, and how you’ll step into personal growth. These personal practices will largely shape your story this year.

What if instead of carrying the weight of victimhood from 2020, you were to step into the practice of writing all of the parts of your story that are within your power?

5 Ways to Move from Victim to Writer of Your 2021 Story:

1.     Acknowledge struggle while looking for redemption. Honestly admit to yourself when you’re experiencing grief and hardship. Feel the feelings associated with the difficulty. Watch for short and long-term ways you see suffering in your life create opportunity for growth, connection, and comforting others.

2.     Create a mental or written list of 3-5 big ideas within your control you want to be true of your story at the end of 2021. Examples: I want to have been a loving, connected parent, friend, partner. I want to have given generously from what I earned. I want to have expressed a grateful attitude regularly. I want to have faced challenges and pain with grace and dignity. I want to have spent time on things that matter most to me. I want to have said encouraging things to myself and others most of the time. I want to see progress in this specific business skill. I want to have engaged a spirit of adventure.

3.     Create a more detailed story for each of your 3-5 big ideas. Big idea: I want to have lived generously. Detailed story about living generously: I want to look back over 12 months and see that I intentionally set aside money, time, and other resources as a monthly practice rather spending all of my resources on myself. I want to see that I used those resources to give to people and causes I value. Some of the people and causes I value are my church, Caring & Sharing of South Walton, Compassion International.

4.     Take steps to make your story real. If I’m going to look back and see that I gave generously this year, I’m going to: set up auto-giving for my top 3 valued organizations, set up a specific auto-transfer savings account designated for generous giving, set up regular monthly volunteer hours.

5.     Read and edit your story as you go. Check in monthly on your story and determine if you’re living into the story you want to be true at the end of the year. Be gracious with yourself, determine where you’re struggling, and make edits when needed. For example: I planned to auto-give to 3 organizations but I had a financial change. I’m going to reduce my amounts to all 3 or I’m going to choose one organization instead.

The healthy way to engage your 2021 story is to face the circumstances outside your control with acceptance and focus on writing what you can control with hope and determination. As you move from victim to writer of your 2021 story, remember that Journey Bravely has coaching sessions available to help move your story forward. Connect with us at journeybravely.com.

Todd and Stephenie have been helping people find hope, clarity, and clear steps forward toward a meaningful life for 19 years. Todd provides life and leadership coaching for young adults and adults to assist in clarifying values, goals and generally getting unstuck from the overhwhelm of life and relationship. Stephenie provides professional counseling, specializing in emotional/relational health for teens, adults, couples, and families. Read more about how we can help you move toward the life you want here. To schedule an initial, free consultation for counseling with Stephenie call 918-221-9987 or email here. To schedule an initial, free consultation with Todd call 918-740-1232 or email here. For more general information about Journey Bravely Counseling & Coaching, look here. We look forward to connecting with you along your journey.

Our Shared Grief

What comes to mind when you hear the word grief? The last year is inviting you to see grief as the emotional experience surrounding the loss of anything or anyone important to you. Maybe you’ve lost a person, a pet, a relationship, or a home. We are experiencing loss of jobs, physical touch, in-person contact with family, the ability to visit sick loved ones, gathering in large groups to celebrate or to mourn. We are also experiencing intangible losses like feelings of certainty, control, and the way life was before COVID. 

As the struggles of the last year continue, we are invited to acknowledge our loss/pain and remember that we aren’t alone in our grief. While we all wish 2021 would bring “normal” back, we struggle to make sense of our current and ongoing challenges in a world where COVID exists.

So, what are we supposed to do with all the uncertainty, sadness, anger, and depression? 

Elizabeth Kubler Ross and David Kessler, authors/social scientists, provide helpful guidance in messy, chaotic grief. The 6 Stages of Grief are not tidy categories, neat timelines or defined behavioral markers. Grief is complicated, unique to each person, and not linear. Rather, the Stages of Grief are ideas providing structure for understanding complex emotions. Stages are experienced in any order, repetitively, and you don’t have to experience every stage. There is no typical or normal grief. You can’t do it wrong. What’s important is acknowledging your loss and allowing yourself to feel.

6 Stages of Grief to help you navigate loss:

1.     Denial. Denial is the numbness/shock that occurs shortly after a loss. Your brain can’t completely process and reorient to loss, so denial helps you ease into the reality. Denial feels like your brain is tricking you into postponing acknowledgement of loss and the full onset of grief emotion is sometimes muted temporarily.

2.     Anger. Anger can be powerful and overwhelming. Let yourself feel and express anger. Losing a person, a job, or sense of normalcy are hurtful experiences. Your body uses anger to find structure and strength in the emptiness of loss. It’s ok to feel anger toward yourself, loved ones, strangers, God. Let yourself feel rather than pushing anger down.

3.     Bargaining. “If only I had left the house 15 minutes later…” “I will do anything to get things back to the way it was before so I don’t have to feel this pain.” Bargaining is your brain seeking control in the midst of out of control circumstances. It’s okay to entertain these thoughts and wonderings as a path toward accepting death, pain, and loss happen in this world outside of your control.

4.     Depression. Loss is terribly sad. It leaves you feeling empty, exhausted, withdrawn, lacking motivation, lacking a sense of purpose, and lacking mental clarity. Situational depression is common in grief and different from clinical depression that is prolonged and not related to circumstance. Don’t rush yourself or “quick fix” grief-related depression. It’s normal and over time, it decreases.

5.     Acceptance. You don’t “get over” loss. Instead, you move through it in your own time accepting the loss will always be part of you and your story. Acceptance happens as you accept the new reality of daily life in the absence of what you lost. You will still hurt at times even as you begin to experience joy again in your life in small doses. 

6.     Making Meaning. Loss cannot take from you all of the moments, lessons, and joys you carry from time before the loss. You make meaning by remembering the value and beauty in what existed before. You make meaning by bringing what was before into the present and creating meaningful moments of memory and carrying legacy forward. You make meaning by allowing loss to motivate positive action to help others through the loss you’ve experienced.

These stages will not help you skip pain, however, they can provide reassurance along the journey. Allow yourself whatever time you need to grieve. Let emotions rise to the surface even when they threaten to overwhelm you. Releasing feelings is the slow path to lessening emotional intensity and embracing the current reality of your life. As you navigate grief and other difficulties, remember that Journey Bravely has coaching sessions available to help you. Connect with us at journeybravely.com.

Stephenie is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 19 years experience specializing in emotional/relational health counseling. Stephenie loves hearing others’ stories and helping people find new perspective that produces peace, healing, and connection through individual counseling. Stephenie provides treatment for adults, teenagers, couples, and families with anxiety symptoms, parenting struggles, teen issues, depression, grief, divorce, and other life transitions. Realizing your life is out of balance and ready to schedule your initial counseling session? Connect here for information about counseling Stephenie provides and get your initial therapy session scheduled.

Climbing Out of the 2020 Quicksand

There’s no way around it. 2020 has been a difficult year. Anxiety is a consistent companion. Even previously fun things like planning a vacation now require intentional thought and consideration. News, social media, conversations with friends, and every day decisions invite stress. We are walking through unprecedented circumstances with a lack of clear, reliable information for wise decision making resulting in uncertainty, insecurity, fear, and emotional exhaustion. The layers of pandemic, election year, financial strain, racial tension/reform, decisions about schooling, along with normal stressors have layered to the point of overwhelm.

Unfortunately, when overwhelmed, scared, and insecure, humans often find a false sense of comfort and certainty in blaming, shaming, judging, and dehumanizing those with different views. We begin seeing strangers, friends, and family with different beliefs as “other” or “less.” We unintentionally lose sight of grace and kindness while sliding into a sea of self-righteousness, judgement, and hate. And despite popular belief, research tells us that shaming others creates more shame and bad behavior, not transformative change.

So, how do you keep moving forward in positivity and purpose in the midst of the current cultural quicksand?

7 Ways to Keep a Positive, Purposeful Mindset in 2020

1.     Get curious about your anxiety. What are the sources of anxiety? Are there certain activities, relationships, thought patterns that are creating or feeding anxiety? Consider whether you might need some additional life boundaries that could reduce anxiety (ie. limits on news, social media consumption, relationships).

2.     Sort what you can control from what you can’t. Examples of things you can’t control: the pandemic, election year, anyone else’s behavior, others wearing masks. Examples of things you can control: your daily health practices, your right to vote, how you treat your neighbor, your exposure to news coverage, your choices about masks and schooling. Focus on using your self-control and determination for what you can control and try letting go of what you can’t control.

3.     Practice gratitude. Even in difficult times, there are good things happening. Find 5 things each day that bring you joy and acknowledge aloud your thankfulness for them.

4.     Watch for shame. Are you shaming yourself for failures or your difficulty navigating the complexities of 2020? Are you telling yourself something is wrong with you because you don’t feel your feet on solid ground at the moment? We are all struggling. No one has this figured out. When you create a shameful internal dialogue with yourself, you are more likely to shame others. Are you shaming others who hold different opinions/beliefs either in person or on social media? Remember, shaming and dehumanizing others compounds problems instead of alleviating them.

5.     Cultivate grace and kindness. When possible, give yourself and others the benefit of the doubt. Assume the best of others’ intentions and allow space for others to think and make decisions different from you. When you or others mess up, try offering compassion, grace, and kindness recognizing that we are all muddling through many complicated circumstances and decisions. Encourage others rather than tearing down.

6.     Humanize others. Remember that every person is a beloved human with a story, history, heart, and reasons for their behavior. You aren’t required to agree with everyone, but treating others with dignity and respect for their humanity promotes a world where both you and others experience a sense of being loved and valued.

7.     Step into meaningful action. While some things in life currently feel like they are happening to you. You have the daily opportunity to continue to take meaningful action in your life. Do you want to get more active? Take a walk today. Do you need more social connection? Call an old friend. Do you want to pursue social justice? Educate yourself and join a like-minded activist group. 

As we all continue to stumble and learn our way through 2020, remember that we must each take the internal journey of reflection and healing in order to make the outward journey toward health, positivity and purpose in our relationships with others and the world around us. If you find yourself wanting additional coaching and counseling support along your journey, connect with us.

Stephenie is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 18 years experience specializing in emotional/relational health counseling. Stephenie loves hearing others’ stories and helping people find new perspective that produces peace, healing, and connection through individual counseling. Stephenie provides treatment for adults, teenagers, couples, and families with anxiety symptoms, parenting struggles, teen issues, depression, grief, divorce, and other life transitions. Realizing your life is out of balance and ready to schedule your initial counseling session? Connect here for information about counseling Stephenie provides and get your initial therapy session scheduled.

Another Perspective on Distancing

Social distancing has become a daily part of life…spacing out 6 feet, groups of 10 or less, wearing masks. While such practices can feel exhausting and isolating, they are designed to create a healthy sense of boundary between you and others for the sake of collective well-being. As you imagine when and how life will return to “normal,” you can apply the lessons of physical boundaries through COVID-19 to improve your emotional boundaries, as well. 

Emotional boundaries are the structures you place in your relationships to let others know how you will and will not allow yourself to be treated. You set boundaries when you say yes or no, when you tell other people what you appreciate about how they are treating you and what has hurt you, when you decide how much time and energy you will invest, and when you choose to reduce your exposure to or end a relationship when you feel disrespected.

Relationship without boundaries results in you feeling exhausted, unappreciated, unseen, and taken advantage of. Lacking boundaries also results in attracting unhealthy, takers into your life repeatedly. So, how do you begin to create basic, healthy boundaries in your relationships?

6 Ways to Begin Healthy Boundaries:

1.     Identify 5 relationship deal breakers. What are 5 things that must be present for a relationship to be healthy for you? For example: honesty, mutual respect, kindness, authenticity, meaningful apologies. Choose according to your most important values. Notice in both your existing and new relationships whether your deal breakers are present. If they aren’t, it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.

2.     Give yourself permission to say no. Healthy relationship respects your no. Often, you will want to say yes in your relationships. However, it is not selfish to say no when you want or need to do so. It is healthy to say no when you sense another person consistently expecting more from you than you feel is healthy. If someone is guilting, shaming, or punishing you when you say no, it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.

3.     Decide how much time you will invest. You have many things to balance in life and limited time to give to any given relationship. You decide how much time feels healthy and respectful to give each relationship. For one relationship it might be an hour per week vs. an hour per day for another. If someone is consistently demanding more time than you believe is healthy to invest, it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.

4.     Give and expect reciprocity in relationship. Reciprocity means both people are both consistently giving and receiving in the relationship. There may be seasons where you are giving more or receiving more, but the overall tone of a healthy relationship is reciprocal. If you are consistently giving in a relationship and rarely receiving, it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.

5.     Say what you need and want. It is healthy for you to speak plainly about what is working for you and what is not. No one can read your mind no matter how long the relationship. If you don’t tell people what leaves you feeling valued or hurt, others won’t know how to be healthy in relationship with you. If someone continues hurtful behavior without improvement after it’s been addressed, it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.

6.     Give yourself permission to end unhealthy relationships. Sometimes relationships are unhealthy and do not improve. You can care about someone and at the same time acknowledge the relationship is not healthy for you. It is not mean or selfish to end relationships when you have been clear about what is not working and it continues to happen.

Thinking about boundaries can feel uncomfortable at first, but in the long run, creates healthy evaluation and adjustment in your relationships resulting in the life-giving connection you want and need in your life. As you are working through boundaries and other common life struggles, remember that counselors are providing online services throughout the pandemic and accepting new clients including Journey Bravely.

 Stephenie is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 18 years experience specializing in emotional/relational health counseling. Stephenie loves hearing others’ stories and helping people find new perspective that produces peace, healing, and connection through individual counseling. Stephenie provides treatment for adults, teenagers, couples, and families with anxiety symptoms, parenting struggles, teen issues, depression, grief, divorce, and other life transitions. Realizing your life is out of balance and ready to schedule your initial counseling session? Connect here for information about counseling Stephenie provides and get your initial therapy session scheduled.

Surviving Groundhog's Day

Do you find yourself struggling through Groundhog’s Day Syndrome in the midst of COVID-19? Each day you wake up and it’s another home day surrounded by the same people. This week, I wasn’t sure what day it was, what I had accomplished in the past 4 days, or what I needed to do that day. It was uncomfortable and disorienting. Most days in the midst of quarantine look and feel similar without the common structures that separate weekdays from weekends, work days from home days, school days from family days. Your brain doesn’t quite know how to make sense of these new life rhythms or lack thereof.

In addition to lack of rhythms, it’s very difficult to get your bearings when you have no idea how long the pandemic will last or what life is going to look like for the next many months and years following these events. It brings up feelings of anxiety, stress, overwhelm, and the necessary but very uncomfortable acknowledgement that you are out of control of many things surrounding the pandemic.

Though your traditional ways of making daily meaning in life are being challenged, you are still wired to seek a sense of purpose, value, and connection. And, though you have a significant lack of control over the pandemic circumstances, your brain will continue to encourage you to engage self-control to sustain some personal health and balance in the midst of cultural chaos. So, what can you do to combat the Groundhog’s Day pull into a numbed out, stressed out existence?

5 Ways to Survive Groundhog’s Day Syndrome

1.     Create daily anchors. Your brain makes sense of your daily rhythms by recognizing the difference between what you do on any given day of the week. For example: On Monday, I do laundry; On Tuesday, I go to the store; On Saturday, I go on a nature walk; On Sunday, I watch a church podcast. Find one activity to do on the same day each week. This will help your brain begin to differentiate Monday from Saturday.

2.     Create two tasks for the day. At the end of each day, take 2 minutes to reflect on what you would like to accomplish the following day to feel a sense of forward movement in your life. Write down the two things and do them the next day. For example: Tomorrow I will pay the electric bill and clean the bathroom.

3.     Reach for gratitude. Choose one thing you are thankful for each day. Though the pandemic is very stressful, it has created some opportunities for slowing down, spending more time with family, remembering to pray for others, taking more walks, taking time for personal reflection, considering how you can help others, etc. 

4.     Keep consistent self-care routines. It’s easy when you aren’t leaving the house to skip the shower, teeth-brushing, getting dressed activities of the day. Though, most of us have given up on makeup and fashion, keeping up with your basic daily hygiene practices communicates a sense of personal value to yourself. 

5.     Sunday check in. Take 5 minutes to check in with yourself each week. Ask yourself, “How am I doing emotionally this week?” “Have I connected with a friend this week?” “Have I gotten outdoors this week?” “Do I need to ask for support from someone?” “Do I need to make any adjustments in the coming week to feel more grounded and positive?”

Nothing about COVID-19 is simple. It is creating chaos, grief, and the daily uncomfortable sense of unknown. If you can, release what you cannot control, and engage your energy in using self-control in small, targeted areas in your daily life to guide you toward a greater sense of peace in the midst of the struggle. 

Remember, there is wisdom in asking for additional support from family, friends, or a counselor as you navigate the pandemic along with other stresses you may be experiencing. Many counselors are providing online sessions during quarantine including Journey Bravely Counseling.

Written By: Stephenie Craig, LCSW

Stephenie is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 18 years experience specializing in emotional/relational health counseling. Stephenie loves hearing others’ stories and helping people find new perspective that produces peace, healing, and connection through individual counseling. Stephenie provides treatment for adults, teenagers, couples, and families with anxiety symptoms, parenting struggles, teen issues, depression, grief, divorce, and other life transitions. Realizing your life is out of balance and ready to schedule your initial counseling session? Connect here for information about counseling Stephenie provides and get your initial therapy session scheduled.

Self Care During Coronavirus Pandemic

The COVID-19 Pandemic has hit hard and now you’re trying to figure out how to stay home, homeschool kids, work from home, figure out getting groceries without being exposed, cook more meals…and that doesn’t even cover the emotional turmoil created daily by the rising diagnosis/death tolls and constant news coverage. All of these changes are occurring at the same time and it’s natural for your brain to feel overwhelmed, confused, and forgetful.

You may be focused primarily on taking care of others in your life, however, self care is very important right now to help your brain find the balance it needs to develop it’s new routine and rhythm. Self care is not selfish. In fact, one of the most helpful and loving things you can do to make yourself healthy and available to help those you love is to incorporate some self care into your daily life. Constant stress increases your Cortisol levels, contributes to lower immune system, and puts you at higher risk for unhealth. Taking as little as 10 minutes a day to do something calming and loving toward yourself can make a significant difference in your mental and physical health.

What Is Self Care?

Self care is any activity that creates a sense of calm, rest, relaxation and kindness toward yourself. The goal is to remember that while others are important, so are you. The purpose of self care is to get a physical and mental break from the constant busyness and stress associated with transition and crisis. There are many forms of self care that vary widely based on the personality and enjoyment of the individual. Some common examples are:

• Getting enough sleep

• Eating healthy foods

• Exercise

• Prayer/Meditation

• Reading

• Sports

• Talking to a friend

• Journaling

• Creative writing

• Playing video games

• Taking a bath

• Doing your nails

• Being outdoors

• Dancing

• Singing

• Jumping on the trampoline

• Art

• Cleaning

• Swimming

• Riding a bike

• Baking

• Decorating

• Holding your pet

• Deep breathing

• Diffusing/applying essential oils

• Organizing

The best way to make sure self care happens is to be realistic with your expectations, set aside specific time, and let your loved ones know you are taking your self care time and ask them to respect that time. It may also be helpful right now to create some boundaries around when work and school are happening daily so you can identify non-work time to schedule your self care activities.

As you consider your self care time, remember that others in your home need self care too. Consider asking them what they will do for self care and when they will set aside time so you can support their efforts to maintain their emotional health, too. Once you get a self care routine going during the pandemic, maybe you will find it easier to incorporate self care when the pandemic ends and you return to work, school, and other activities outside the home.

If you’re struggling with the pandemic or something else and are wanting to connect for online counseling, Journey Bravely is here to help you get started with online counseling this week. Call 918-221-9987 for your free 15 minute consultation call or if you’re ready to schedule your initial online counseling session, connect to our client portal to schedule now here.

Written By: Stephenie Craig, LCSW

Stephenie is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 18 years experience specializing in emotional/relational health counseling. Stephenie loves hearing others’ stories and helping people find new perspective that produces peace, healing, and connection through individual counseling. Stephenie provides treatment for adults, teenagers, couples, and families with anxiety symptoms, parenting struggles, teen issues, depression, grief, divorce, and other life transitions. Realizing your life is out of balance and ready to schedule your initial counseling session? Connect here for information about counseling Stephenie provides and get your initial therapy session scheduled.

Pandemic Anger, Sadness, Fear....Or Is It All Grief?

We are all feeling emotionally disoriented as we walk through this unprecedented pandemic experience. Maybe you find yourself reading news and feeling fearful and anxious. Maybe you feel annoyed and angry every time another restriction is placed on your community. Maybe you’re sad that your special trip, Prom, graduation, or wedding has been postponed or cancelled after months of hoping and planning. Maybe you’re feeling devastated because you cannot comfort someone you love who has COVID-19 or you haven’t been able to attend a funeral in person. Maybe you’re facing a positive diagnosis yourself.

So much is happening around us that is very much out of our control and the way we understood life before the pandemic has been taken from us. This whole experience is an emotional roller coaster. Some of us are irritable, some claustrophobic, some controlling, some numbing out, some seeking perfection in isolating, some exhausted, some tackling home projects, some trying obsessively to be positive. But, at the heart of it, all of these emotional responses are forms of grief. We are all in the midst of some form of loss. Loss of freedom, loss of physical connection, loss of comfort, loss of hope, loss of person, loss of job, loss of income.

Our grief shows itself in our confusion, our big emotions, and in our stress behaviors. It’s tempting to be avoidant of our feelings because they are uncomfortable, rapidly cycling, and difficult to manage. But, pushing down feelings is counterproductive, keeps you stuck, and does not move you to the other side where you can find acceptance and peace. And, people who stuff emotion, often are at higher risk for forms of anxiety, depression, chronic pain, migraines, and stomach problems.

So, we’re all grieving and our emotions feel out of control….so now what?

When we experience various forms of grief, the healthiest thing we can do is CREATE SPACE TO FEEL OUR EMOTIONS. Don’t swallow feelings, push them aside, or avoid them. Instead try the following:

• Let the feeling rise like a wave. Let it surface and give it space to exist.

• Be mindful not to immediately launch into avoidance or fixing strategies.

• Say to yourself, “I feel sad, mad, overwhelmed, scared…..”

• Validate your feeling, “This situation is weird and hard, it makes sense that I’m overwhelmed.”

• Remind yourself that the feeling is temporary, “I’m not always going to feel this overwhelmed.”

• Take deep breaths while you sit with the feeling.

• Give yourself permission to surrender the feeling to God and ride the wave knowing it will move on soon.

• Give your emotion a way to escape your body such as crying, running, drawing, singing, talking it out.

• Give yourself permission to ask for help and support when you need it.

Giving space to your grief helps you feel better and helps you prevent the unhealth that comes with emotional stuffing and avoidance. You are most certainly not alone in your struggle. This may be the time to begin some online counseling to get additional support in working through the high intensity emotions you’re experiencing. Journey Bravely is currently accepting new clients and providing professional online counseling, also known as online therapy, telemental health, Telehealth, and distance counseling to support those living in Oklahoma and Florida through this difficult time. We look forward to connecting with you.

If you’re struggling with the pandemic or something else and are wanting to connect for online counseling, Journey Bravely is here to help you get started with online counseling this week. Call 918-221-9987 for your free 15 minute consultation call or if you’re ready to schedule your initial online counseling session, connect to our client portal to schedule now here.

Written By: Stephenie Craig, LCSW

Stephenie is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 18 years experience specializing in emotional/relational health counseling. Stephenie loves hearing others’ stories and helping people find new perspective that produces peace, healing, and connection through individual counseling. Stephenie provides treatment for adults, teenagers, couples, and families with anxiety symptoms, parenting struggles, teen issues, depression, grief, divorce, and other life transitions. Realizing your life is out of balance and ready to schedule your initial counseling session? Connect here for information about counseling Stephenie provides and get your initial therapy session scheduled.

Online Counseling During the Pandemic

The world feels like it’s turned upside down in the last few weeks. All the things you’re used to doing outside your home have been redefined. Maybe you’re struggling feeling like you started to feel some progress or momentum in some area of your life and then the pandemic hit, effectively locking you in your home and making motivation and emotional balance incredibly difficult. We are all walking through this strange, unprecedented pandemic experience together and it’s creating fear, grief, anxiety, and stress. And on top of that, many of the ways you previously coped with stress are not available like the gym, coffee with a friend, going to work, or going to the beach. As a result, you might be feeling trapped, defeated, overwhelmed, and lacking in options to start feeling better.

Professional counseling is a helpful way to begin sorting out emotion, improving coping skills, and finding some new perspective on existing thought patterns and life struggles. While sitting face to face with a therapist is a great, helpful experience, currently we are all pretty much limited to home. So what now?

Online counseling is a great option if you own a laptop or a smartphone. Online Counseling, also known as Telemental Health, Telehealth, Distance Counseling, and Online Therapy is receiving counseling in your home over the internet in a face to face, online format. Getting started is easy and due to Coronavirus, the federal government has declared FaceTime and Skype as helpful, legal Telehealth options which means you may not even have to adapt to a new electronic face to face platform. You can continue or start receiving high quality counseling at home without much stress or hassle.

Online Counseling works for individuals, couples, families, adults, teens, and kids. You can address anxiety, depression, stress, marital issues, family dynamics, divorce, parenting struggles, teen anxiety, teen depression, and other struggles you would address in traditional in office therapy.

Reasons to Use Online Counseling During the Pandemic:

• Your mental health is a priority. Taking care of yourself during this stressful time is important and matters for your quality of life and for the quality of life of your family.

• The Pandemic is causing a rise in anxiety, depression, and overall stress. You aren’t alone. Many people are experiencing an increase in symptoms of stress, anxiety, depression, and other life impairing mental health struggles.

• Online counseling is convenient and time efficient. You no longer have to drive to sessions and you can literally receive counseling in your pajamas.

• Online counseling is professional and high-quality. Online counseling is the same counseling service provided by a licensed, professional therapist you would receive in an office setting but from your home.

• Your problems don’t stop. As much as you wish they would, your struggles and problems are still present and impacting life in the midst of the pandemic. Individual and relationship struggles may eventually begin to feel even more difficult in the face of added stress.

• Technology is your friend. We are all having to learn new ways to connect with friends and family in the face of being home more. Participating in online counseling can be an addition to FaceTime or Zoom you are already doing. Or, online counseling might help you to become more comfortable using technology to connect with friends and family.

As you are feeling your way through the ups and downs of the many changes you are facing, keep in mind that online counseling is available to you along your journey. We are truly all in this together. Extend grace to yourself and others. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help.

If you’re struggling with the pandemic or something else and are wanting to connect for online counseling, Journey Bravely is here to help you get started with online counseling this week.Call 918-221-9987 for your free 15 minute consultation call or if you’re ready to schedule your initial online counseling session, connect to our client portal to schedule now here.

Written By: Stephenie Craig, LCSW

Stephenie is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 18 years experience specializing in emotional/relational health counseling. Stephenie loves hearing others’ stories and helping people find new perspective that produces peace, healing, and connection through individual counseling. Stephenie provides treatment for adults, teenagers, couples, and families with anxiety symptoms, parenting struggles, teen issues, depression, grief, divorce, and other life transitions. Realizing your life is out of balance and ready to schedule your initial counseling session? Connect here for information about counseling Stephenie provides and get your initial therapy session scheduled.

Coping Through Coronavirus

A few short weeks ago, I woke up, took a beach walk, got the kids off to school, went to work to counsel people in person, and stopped on the way to a baseball game to pick up a few things from the store including toilet paper and lunchmeat. This week, I woke up, the beach is closed, the kids are doing school at home, all counseling sessions are online, no baseball games, and walking the empty toilet paper and lunchmeat aisles at the store sparks anxiety. Most things that felt normal and gave daily structure to life a few weeks ago are now completely different. 

Experiencing so much change at one time in the daily infrastructure of our lives is disorienting and overwhelming. You aren’t alone if you’re experiencing brain fog, forgetfulness, exhaustion, depression, irritability, fear, anxiety, anger and grief. It is overwhelming to the brain to have so many life anchors cut loose simultaneously. Your brain has shifted from doing everyday tasks automatically to having to intentionally think through things that were simple a few weeks ago. Any room your brain had to give to higher level thinking about your goals, dreams, relationships, and life satisfaction has been overrun by crisis mode focused on basic needs and survival.

The good news in the midst of our current difficulty is your brain is created to change and adapt. Your brain will embrace a new version of normalcy after about 3-4 weeks if you engage in some repetitive daily practices that help you feel normal even in the midst of very abnormal circumstances. 

5 Ways to Stay Mentally Healthy During Coronavirus: 

1.     Be intentional about your sleep, nutrition, exercise, social connection, spiritual support, and medication regimen.Make intentional, reasonable efforts to take care of yourself in these areas while also being mindful to lower your expectations of yourself and others. 

2.     Adopt 5 daily practices to keep you grounded in a sense of purpose and connection to others.  Personalize your 5 practices to what helps you feel normal, hopeful, and a sense of accomplishment each day. My 5 daily practices include: laying eyes on the ocean, walking outdoors, listening to hopeful/spiritual podcast or sermon, send an encouraging message to a friend/family member, and naming 10 gratitude items.  Make a meaningful effort to engage your 5 practices daily, giving grace to yourself when you aren’t able to make it happen

3.     Connect socially. Whether by phone, text, Facetime, Facebook, Zoom, Marco Polo or talking to your neighbors from across the yard, find a way to communicate with others. Talking with others reminds us that we aren’t alone in the current struggle and serves as mutual encouragement that we can survive the challenges we are facing. Don’t hesitate to share struggles with a trusted friend.

4.     Engage in Self-Care. Find time each week to do something that feels calming and soul nurturing. Take a bath, read a book, watch your favorite show, call a friend, get outdoors, hold your pet, etc. Your brain and body need a break from your higher stress level. 

5.     Limit News Consumption. While we need to be wise and informed, there is wisdom in determining an amount of trustworthy news that feels informative and helpful for the day vs. falling into a black hole of fear mongering and confusion. 

As we are navigating this new, socially distant, stressful world together, don’t hesitate to seek extra mental health support. Many therapists are accepting new clients and providing online counseling sessions to accommodate increased mental health needs in the community including Journey Bravely. 

If you’re struggling with the pandemic or something else and are wanting to connect for online counseling, Journey Bravely is here to help you get started with online counseling this week. Call 918-221-9987 for your free 15 minute consultation call or if you’re ready to schedule your initial online counseling session, connect to our client portal to schedule now here.

Written By: Stephenie Craig, LCSW

Stephenie is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 18 years experience specializing in emotional/relational health counseling. Stephenie loves hearing others’ stories and helping people find new perspective that produces peace, healing, and connection through individual counseling. Stephenie provides treatment for adults, teenagers, couples, and families with anxiety symptoms, parenting struggles, teen issues, depression, grief, divorce, and other life transitions. Realizing your life is out of balance and ready to schedule your initial counseling session? Connect here for information about counseling Stephenie provides and get your initial therapy session scheduled.