You Have One Life

By Todd Craig, Personal & Professional Coach

A couple of years ago I was sitting in a large meeting that I was required to attend on an annual basis. I had this moment of clarity where I realized I was listening to the same reports and debates I had heard every year for the past 15 years with no change. I thought to myself, "life is too short to waste another minute in this room.'' So, I got up and left. I ran into a friend on my way out and when I shared my moment of clarity he said this to me, "you have only one life."

I have carried, reflected and acted on that phrase over the last 18 months. My greatest desire is to live the life I am meant to live and to help others do the same. If you find yourself thinking things like, "there's got to be more than this," or "I have more to offer," I hope these ideas will help you take a next step:

1. The past is prologue - Your past may shape your future, but it doesn't have to determine it. I believe every experience, both good and bad, can contribute to your future. But, your past is not in charge of your future.

2. You are ridiculously in charge - You have only one life.....and you get to decide how to live it. You may not be in control of everything that happens in life, but you are in charge of your mindset, attitude, how you respond to situations and people, and how you move forward. You get to decide your direction and the paths you are going to pursue. And, you are making that decision everyday. You are making that decision today! The question is, are you making it intentionally?

3. Decide who you want to be - Your character, integrity and values are more powerful in determining your direction, for better or worse, than anything you will do or how well you will do it. In fact, who you are will have a huge influence on what you do. Andy Stanley put it this way, "It's always a mistake to decide what you want to do before you decide who you want to be."

4. Ask yourself, "What do I want.....really?" - This is a deceptively difficult question to answer. In fact, most of us think we know what we want until we get pressed to define it. But even then, we often answer with things we think we want.  We think we want that position, that money, that house, that car, etc. This is why adding "really" to the question is so important. Are those things more important to you than your family? Time with your kids? Your legacy? Your reputation? What's really most important to you? A great way to determine what you want...really is to consider what you want said about you at your funeral. This is a great reflection of your personal definition of success.

5. Evaluate, "Are my habits, behaviors and life choices in line with who I want to be and what I want?" - Remember, you are ridiculously in charge. You get to decide what habits, behaviors, relationships, jobs, direction, etc. you want to pursue and keep. If you are out of alignment, every day is an opportunity for a new beginning.

6. Push through the resistance - Living your one life with intentionality is a courageous path. There are other voices telling you how you should live your life. The gravity of the status quo (as umcomfortable, disappointing or painful as it may be), can be strong and challenge our desire to move forward. 

7. You don't have to walk this journey alone - You are the hero in your story and every hero has trusted voices challenging and encouraging them forward. One of my greatest desires is to help others live the life they were to live; to be the people they want to be and to pursue the life they want. If you would like help determining who you want to be, what you want and aligning habits, behaviors and life choices don't hesitate to reach out! I'd love to join you on your Brave Journey.

Journeying Bravely

Journey Bravely just moved across the country from Oklahoma to Florida and we are still pinching ourselves most days when we take a quick drive to the ocean! We started dreaming 2 years ago about moving to a warmer, sunnier, ocean-side community. As with many dreams in the beginning stages, we had a desire but were lacking confidence that we could accomplish it. We realized in our coaching and counseling work that we were encouraging people to Journey Bravely and yet, we needed to take some brave steps in our own journey to a new home. We were excited, scared, hopeful, doubtful, and motivated for change. We decided on a specific area of Florida and determined that a 2-3 year timeline would be the best for our family as we hoped to move prior to our oldest child starting High School. And amazingly, just over 2 years later, we have landed and just moved into our permanent home in our dream community.

So how are you supposed to get from dreaming to living out that dream?

1. Explore how comfortable you are with dreaming in general. We found that we were most comfortable taking the next security oriented step in life and struggled to allow ourselves to really dream. If you’re struggling to allow yourself to dream, here are a few questions to consider that might get your dreamer working. What do you really want to be true in your life? When you come to the end of life, what will you regret having not done? What relationships and experiences bring you the most joy? What contribution can you bring to the world that brings excitement? When you think of a day to day reality in your mind that feels meaningful, what does that look like? You might find it helpful to journal through answering the above questions. In addition, seeking additional external input about dreaming through reading and podcasts can help improve the dream flow.

2. Make your vision concrete to make it more real and to invite next steps. We created our first vision board about 1 year ago. Vision boards can be done many different ways but we chose pasting and drawing pictures and words on a large board to represent our priorities for the future. Vision boards can include various areas of life such as where you want to live, vocational dreams, parenting goals, financial hopes, travel aspirations, character development, ways to give to others…and anything else you’re hoping and dreaming. Then, place that board in a visible place and take some time daily to think about what you desire and what action you’re willing to take to make it a reality. Vision boards are flexible and can morph and change over time as you experience personal growth.

3. Break down the dream into manageable parts. Moving was one part of our overall life dream. We chose to focus on that part first as many of the other dreams flow out of where we wanted to live. Once you choose an area of focus, it’s time for goals and action steps. If the goal is planning to move in two years, what are the practical daily steps you must take to get there? For us that looked like some vocational change to make my work more portable, preparing our house to sell, including our kids in the dreaming process, and looking for viable housing in our community of choice. Action steps are often where people get stuck. Sometimes dreaming is easy and action steps can feel overwhelming or boring. However, people who write down their goals on a regular basis are 42% more likely to achieve them. This is where you gather your grit and start to dig in and and do one thing at a time knowing that in the long run, the steps that seem insignificant will actually move you to your dream.

4. Make friends with healthy risk. Most people who realize dreams learn to navigate taking some level of calculated risk. Risk taking is easier for some and harder for others simply because of personality and how you were raised. We both identified as risk averse people prior to our move. The big step that was necessary and scary for us was listing our house when it was a home we really loved. We wanted to wait to list our house until we both had solid job offers, however, my business is self-employment and it became clear in the process of Todd networking for jobs that he needed to be in the community to get the job. So we waffled around for several months, sought wise counsel, faced our fears, and one day almost 2 years into the dreaming process, decided to list the house. Risk is letting go of the comfortable and familiar to open possibilities for what you really want and it was not easy. But, 12 days after listing, the house sold causing momentum over the next few weeks that resulted in our dream being realized 3 months later. It was very uncomfortable moving without knowing Todd’s job, but had we not done so, we would not have been here 2 days after our arrival when his current job was posted specifically for someone living in the area.

5. Once you realize a dream, savor the growth in the process and celebrate the outcome. Dreaming, opening your life to change, and taking the action steps is work. It’s impossible to do such work without experiencing some transformational change in your faith, your relationships, and how you see and understand yourself. Slow down, pay attention, and take note of how you’re changing so you will intentionally carry the new perspective forward into your life. And, when you reach the goal, pause…enjoy…practice gratitude…and celebrate what has transpired. Celebrating reminds you to acknowledge your faith, your work, and all of those that were part of your journey to the realized dream.

The brave journey to realizing a dream is beautiful, hard, risky, transforming, and life-changing. Once you have experienced it, you know you can do it again. What are your dreams? What is holding you back from pursuing them?

Written By: Stephenie Craig, LCSW

Stephenie is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 18 years experience specializing in emotional/relational health counseling. Stephenie loves hearing others’ stories and helping people find new perspective that produces peace, healing, and connection through individual counseling. Stephenie provides treatment for adults, teenagers, couples, and families with anxiety symptoms, parenting struggles, teen issues, depression, grief, divorce, and other life transitions. Realizing your life is out of balance and ready to schedule your initial counseling session? Connect here for information about counseling Stephenie provides and get your initial therapy session scheduled.

Daily Stabilization Skills

A balanced life is a more enjoyable, healthier life. Life balance requires attention to several areas that keep your life stabilized daily.

1. Sleep: Getting 7-8 hours sleep daily at a consistent time helps create and sustain healthy brain function. One night of poor sleep can create fogginess and cravings for carbs. People who don’t get consistent sleep tend to struggle more with health and mental health issues. Deep breathing, essential oils, reading, avoiding screens, and weighted blankets can be helpful for consistent sleep. If you have ongoing sleep issues, you may want to discuss sleep help options with your doctor.

2. Spiritual: Nurturing your spiritual life creates purpose, meaning, sense of identity, and often improved decision making. Nurturing your spiritual life may include engaging with God, a spiritual community, spiritual readings, prayer, and meditation.

3. Nutrition: What you put into your body has a significant impact on energy, thoughts, and overall health. Nutrition is less about weight loss and more about overall quality of food and drink to support healthy brain/body function. Most people benefit from reducing sugar and processed food/drink intake and increasing consumption of real food such as lean meats, fruits, vegetables, and water at regular intervals throughout the day.

4. Social: Quality and consistency of social relationships support fun, decision making, and impacts overall shaping of your values. Close, trusted, positive people can make all the difference when life gets hard. It’s important to evaluate the quality of your social relationships to determine if your close people are actually encouraging you to be a healthier human. At times it’s important to distance from relationships that aren’t serving your life well and begin developing new, positive relationships. Character matters because you are likely to become like your closest people.

5. Exercise: Movement of the body on a daily basis positively impacts energy, mood, and sense of self. Pushing yourself to do hard physical things can remind you that you can do other hard things in life. Exercise may be Yoga, Walking, Running, Gym Class, Cycling, Hiking, Chair Exercise, The important thing is that you find something that works for you, gets you moving, and that you can consistently engage most days of the week for at least 20 minutes. It may take a bit to work up to 20 minutes but it will be worth it as a more active body is a more energetic body.

6. Mental Health: If you're experiencing symptoms of mental health challenges, consistent counseling and at times, consistently taking prescribed medications is critical to gaining the necessary support for optimal mental functioning. It can be difficult to accept struggling with mental health issues. A professional can provide you with information and support you need to be a healthier you.

It can seem hard to keep these areas of life in a healthy space. Life gets busy, crisis strikes, and you may generally prioritize other things over taking care of yourself. Ultimately. it costs you more time and energy when these disciplines are out of sync. Take a moment to determine which of these 6 key areas need work in your life. Then, set one goal in one area. Then create 1-3 daily action steps that will help you reach your goal. You can do this and the truth is you really can’t afford not to.

How are you doing at keeping life in balance? Which of the above skill areas need some intentional focus?

Written By: Stephenie Craig, LCSW

Stephenie is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 18 years experience specializing in emotional/relational health counseling. Stephenie loves hearing others’ stories and helping people find new perspective that produces peace, healing, and connection through individual counseling. Stephenie provides treatment for adults, teenagers, couples, and families with anxiety symptoms, parenting struggles, teen issues, depression, grief, divorce, and other life transitions. Realizing your life is out of balance and ready to schedule your initial counseling session? Connect here for information about counseling Stephenie provides and get your initial therapy session scheduled.

Parent Coaching

What in the world is parent coaching and why do you need it? 

Parenting is wonderful, hilarious, exhausting, and will cause you to grow like nothing else. Because you love your kids so much, parenting comes with a significant amount of pressure. From the beginning, you're concerned about parenting well and getting it right from the diapering and sleep methods all the way to launching out of the nest. Your child's well-being is at stake and the honest truth is that no new parent has any idea what they are doing. You get one stage somewhat figured out and then it all changes as they grow and you're back to feeling unsure again.

Whether you are overwhelmed in the beginning phase of parenting or you are in the thick of trying to figure out how to discipline your child or teen, healthy parenting requires some intentional thought and planning. Sometimes it's difficult to find the time to decide what specific parenting strategies you will use in the midst of juggling the baths, the food, the schooling, the sports, etc. And, if you're living in a home with another parent present, sometimes it's hard to get on the same page about parenting values.

In the midst of all the daily tasks and the many, many battles you must field in parenting, it can be incredibly relieving and helpful to have an objective, non-judgmental guide to help you process and work through your values, goals, and emotions around parenting. Having coaching discussions will help you:

• Identify personal and family values for your parenting foundation

• Identify goals for yourself, your child, and your family culture

• Strengthen existing and add new skills to your parenting toolbox

• Identify and understand how to manage your emotions around parenting

• Improve your understanding of your child's brain development

• Identify barriers getting in the way of healthy parenting

• Identify methods of meaningful connection in your parenting/family

The parent coach's role is not to psychoanalyze or tell you what to do. The coach's role is to guide you to understanding what you desire to be true, what strengths already exist to help you accomplish your desires, and to connect you with new information that will improve parenting confidence.

Next time you're feeling overwhelmed in parenting, remember that you aren't alone. All parents are struggling with their humanity and that of their children every day. Some days you feel competent and other days you feel like you don't know what you're doing. When you need help, reach out and schedule a parent coaching session to gain clarity and skill in parenting from health and consistent values.

Written By: Stephenie Craig, LCSW

Stephenie is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 18 years experience specializing in emotional/relational health counseling. Stephenie loves hearing others’ stories and helping people find new perspective that produces peace, healing, and connection through individual counseling. Stephenie provides treatment for adults, teenagers, couples, and families with anxiety symptoms, parenting struggles, teen issues, depression, grief, divorce, and other life transitions. Realizing your life is out of balance and ready to schedule your initial counseling session? Connect here for information about counseling Stephenie provides and get your initial therapy session scheduled.

Mindfulness 101

Are you finding yourself overwhelmed, irritable, and having difficulty managing life's curve balls? Maybe your brain has many tasks, fears, or disappointments running in the background preventing you from focusing on what you are doing right now. Maybe you've reflected after a day spent doing things that were supposed to be fun with your family and realized you weren't fully there because your mind was somewhere else.

Mindfulness is the practice of focusing as fully as possible on the present moment. Your brain naturally gravitates toward things from the past or things in the future, distracting you from paying attention to what's happening now. Past rumination is most commonly about past hurts or nostalgic wishes which both leave you feeling sad. Future rumination is most commonly anxiety driven, entertaining ways to control circumstances yet to come leaving you feeling powerless. The reality is that you can truly only be in the present moment and it is the moment that is most commonly neglected.

Think about it. Is it usually the present moment that is stressing you out or the thoughts running in the background while you're trying to do the present moment? In the morning, making toast and eggs isn't actually stressful if you're noticing the texture of the bread, the scent of the eggs, the color of the yolk, the sound of the toaster. The stress comes from the long to-do list you're running through your head or the conversation you're replaying from yesterday when you wished you'd thought of the excellent comeback you now have in mind.

Most of the time, the present moment is not actually that stressful when we can retrain our brains not to wander to the past and future. Easier said than done, right? I'm not going to lie. This takes repetitive mental exercise, however, your brain is wired to be remolded when you practice new habits. You are made for change. The question is, are you willing to do the work to GET WELL and LIVE WELL by pursuing presence in the current moment?

Beginning a PRACTICE OF MINDFULNESS requires that you embrace a few ideas:

• Mindfulness means NOTICING your surroundings as you observe them through your 5 senses. "I see a red car, I hear my favorite song, I feel cool air blowing on me, I feel the smooth steering wheel, I smell my peppermint car freshener."

• Mindfulness means LETTING GO of trying to CONTROL what is outside your control. Accept what is happening and think about how you can bring the best version of yourself into that situation.

• Mindfulness means LETTING GO of JUDGING people and circumstances as good/bad. Instead notice and accept behavior and circumstances as they are. Recognize that your response does not need to be determined by whether others are behaving well or badly.

• Mindfulness means NOTICING and NAMING FEELINGS without allowing your feelings to determine your response. "I'm noticing that sadness is surrounding me right now and I can feel it in my throat and in my eyes." A feeling can just be a feeling when you understand and name it.

• Mindfulness means NOTICING that thoughts and feelings come and go like waves and usually naturally move on if we do not grasp or avoid them.

• Mindfulness means PARTICIPATING fully in exactly what you are doing right now. Let go of ruminating and begin describing your present experience to yourself through your senses. "I have my hands in this warm, soapy water. It feels relaxing and the bubbles are iridescent. It smells like lemon. The sound of the water running reminds me of a creek." Allow yourself to become immersed fully in the present experience.

• Mindfulness means TENDING to each thing in it's own time. If while you are focusing on the present moment, you are noticing a repeated invasive thought about a future task, you can set aside a specific time later when you can give the future task your full attention.

• Mindfulness means DOING ONE THING AT A TIME. There is something relaxing about refusing to multitask.

Once you decide you can get on board with the ideas, begin the LIVE WELL practice of mindfulness with the following steps:

• DESCRIBE your moment by moment actions to yourself. "I am getting out of bed, the floor is cold, I'm turning on the shower..."

• NOTICE past/future oriented thoughts. "I am noticing that I'm thinking about my work meeting tomorrow."

• GENTLY DISMISS past/future oriented thoughts. "Now is not the time to think about my work meeting. I will spend 30 minutes tonight preparing for my meeting. Right now, I am focusing on....."

• RETURN to describing your moment by moment experience using your senses. "I see a blue umbrella, I smell fresh rain, I feel moisture on my skin, I hear drops of rain."

• REPEAT the process over and over knowing you are retraining your brain. And at some point in the near future, you won't have to work so hard at it!

It is most helpful to begin these steps of mindfulness during specific life activities such as teeth brushing, eating breakfast, and driving. After you build momentum in several life activities, you can begin putting your morning activities together to build hours of mindfulness. Keep in mind that it takes about 21 days to create a new habit, then additional weeks to sustain the habit.

I have found mindfulness to be an incredibly life-giving practice. I used to worry about the future throughout the day running numbers, to-dos, and planned activities through my mind. The practice of mindfulness has created a space for me to live and enjoy each day with less background noise. It has become such an ingrained habit that I now notice when the background noise returns and this is a signal to me to explore the imbalance and return to intentional mindfulness practice. Mindfulness has also significantly increased my capacity to GIVE WELL. I am more attentive, calm, and present with my family, friends, and clients without the background noise.

Mindfulness has the potential to reduce stress, decrease anxiety, improve depression symptoms, improve focus, and increase experience of daily calm. Why wouldn't you want more of that? I encourage you to take the 21 Day Mindfulness Challenge. Commit 21 days to developing this practice and track your progress along the way by journaling how you feel different.

Written By: Stephenie Craig, LCSW

Stephenie is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 18 years experience specializing in emotional/relational health counseling. Stephenie loves hearing others’ stories and helping people find new perspective that produces peace, healing, and connection through individual counseling. Stephenie provides treatment for adults, teenagers, couples, and families with anxiety symptoms, parenting struggles, teen issues, depression, grief, divorce, and other life transitions. Realizing your life is out of balance and ready to schedule your initial counseling session? Connect here for information about counseling Stephenie provides and get your initial therapy session scheduled.