Ditch Resolutions for Life-Giving Activities

Tired of making resolutions and experiencing a sense of failure by the end of January? It’s easy to make self-disciplined plans in December until January hits and you’re back to eating out, skipping the gym, staying up late, procrastinating and spending energy taking care of everyone but you. What are you supposed to do when the resolutions have fallen flat and you still desire some healthy direction for the remaining 11 months?

Instead of setting idealistic, unrealistic resolutions that tend to be all or nothing oriented, consider creating a Life-Giving Activities List to provide your daily and weekly life with some flexible, commitment-oriented direction. Life-giving activities are disciplines or practices that when done consistently, move your life toward living out your values with meaning and balance. Life-giving activities are measured over the long term of weeks and months rather than days and allow for extending yourself grace when you’ve missed the mark on any given day or week. They provide a barometer of sorts to check in on your level of health in various areas of life and provide a guide for making needed adjustments as you go throughout the year. While resolutions are meant to serve us, we often end up feeling enslaved to them. Life-giving activities serve your desired personal growth rather than you serving them.

5 Ways to Create and Use Your Life-Giving Activities List

1.     Consider areas of focus and determine where growth is desired. Areas of focus to consider include physical health, emotional health, spiritual health, and relational health. Questions you might consider to help you evaluate these areas of focus include:  How am I caring for my body? How is my sleep? How are my relationships? How is my stress level? In what areas of life do I want to see growth? 

2.     In your own words, choose 5-10 areas of focus that will create the main items on your Life-Giving Activity List. For example, my areas of focus include: Connect with God, Connect with Family, Eat Intuitively, Sleep Well, Have Fun, Meaningful Work, Move My Body, Personal Development, Engage Hobbies/Creativity, Be Generous.

3.     Choose up to 5 life-giving activity options for each area of focus that bring balance and joy to life. Choose activities you know or suspect will promote your desired growth in each area of focus. You do not need to complete all of the activities each week but instead, choose one or more activities from your list weekly to help you grow in each area of focus. On my list, under Connect with Family my activities include family table dinners, family game night, movie night, date night. Under Connect with God, my activities include prayer walks on the beach, participate in worship community, participate in small group, spiritual reading/podcasts. 

4.     Post your Life-Giving Activities List in an easily accessible location. Put the list in your phone notes and consider posting a hard copy in your home. I like posting my list on the bathroom mirror where I see it throughout the day.

5.     Create a consistent weekly time to use your Life-Giving Activities List for a personal growth check-in. Set aside 10 or more minutes to reflect on the prior week. Notice how many of your 5-10 areas of focus you engaged over the past week. Notice which areas you might be avoiding and consider why. Notice which activities have brought you the most joy and meaning. Notice if you felt a sense of healthy, balance or a sense of exhaustion and chaos. Consider how you will adjust your activities in the coming week. You may want to schedule your life-giving activities into your calendar so they will actually happen.

The Life-Giving Activities List is meant to be a flexible guide to provide structure and reflection. It’s a great tool for noticing when life has taken a turn away from your deepest values. It provides gracious course correction opportunity without the shame of failure. When used consistently, the list can empower you to live life in health and balance. Feel free to adjust your list as needed throughout the year. When I consistently engage life-giving activities in 7-10 of my areas of focus, life feels more connected, intentional, balanced, happy, and healthy. Best wishes to you in your growth in 2020! Click here to download your personalized Life-Giving Activities Worksheet.

Written By: Stephenie Craig, LCSW

Stephenie is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 18 years experience specializing in emotional/relational health counseling. Stephenie loves hearing others’ stories and helping people find new perspective that produces peace, healing, and connection through individual counseling. Stephenie provides treatment for adults, teenagers, couples, and families with anxiety symptoms, parenting struggles, teen issues, depression, grief, divorce, and other life transitions. Realizing your life is out of balance and ready to schedule your initial counseling session? Connect here for information about counseling Stephenie provides and get your initial therapy session scheduled.

De-Stressing the Holidays

There I sat crying in a butter-soaked shirt, holding a tired, screaming baby wondering why I ever agreed to 3 Christmases in one day. It was our baby son’s first Christmas, what was supposed to be a picturesque, magical day to remember. We decorated, put our son in his Christmas sweater, baked requested casseroles, packed thoughtful gifts, dressed in new clothes, and journeyed to 3 family gatherings that ended in tears and overwhelm. Is this really what Christmas is supposed to be? Stressful, exhausting, overwhelming, and disappointing? Is there another way?

Historically, Christmas and the preceding weeks were about expectations surrounding the birth of Jesus. Currently, you might find yourself juggling spiritual and cultural expectations around Christmas and other Winter holidays including stylish decorations, hosting gatherings, spiritual reflections, church activities, perfect gift-giving, family traditions, meaningful time with extended family, etc. With good intentions, you may place impossible expectations on a few weeks of the year to bring fulfillment and happy memories. Afterward, you can be left with the disappointing reality of hurt feelings, burnt ham, criticism from family, underwhelming responses to gifts, and kids preferring to text friends instead of playing family board games.

So, what can be done?

Here are 5 Ways to De-Stress Your Holidays:

1. Sort your expectations into two categories: healthy and unhealthy. Healthy expectations are reasonable, gracious, encourage growth, and don’t result in shame. Unhealthy expectations are idealistic, unreasonable, perfectionistic, involve trying to control others, and result in feeling ashamed. Reducing stress begins with getting curious about what you are expecting of yourself and others. Are you trying to present a perfect image of yourself? Are you trying to get someone else to be who you want them to be? Are you trying to get an emotional need met from someone who is not likely to meet that need?

2. Consider what you fear will happen if you let your unhealthy expectations go. Most often you hold unhealthy expectations because you fear loss of control, when in reality, you didn’t really have control in the first place. Admitting that you only have control of yourself can set you free and empower you to manage yourself in healthier ways.

3. Identify unhealthy expectations that others may have invited you to fulfill. Maybe you’re still seeking approval from your parents, or hustling to live up to social expectations of friends, or exhausting yourself trying to keep your kids happy. If you find yourself resenting someone, it’s often a sign that unrealistic expectations are present in the relationship.

4. Set boundaries with yourself and others. Adjust unhealthy personal expectations and allow time to realize your worst fears will not be realized as a result. Try giving yourself permission to say no to unhealthy requests of others even if someone will be disappointed. They will survive the disappointment and so will you. Boundaries are usually uncomfortable initially and then all involved get used to them over time. In the long-term, such boundaries create oxygen for life.

5. Decide how you will fill the space that results from letting go of unhealthy expectations. When you think about what feels healthy and meaningful around the holidays, do that and enjoy it deeply.

For us, letting go of unhealthy expectations has set us free from exhausting, expensive, perfection-oriented busyness and created space for intentional, reflective, restful, family time on Christmas Day. The difference is astounding. What will you do to create and enjoy healthier space this holiday season?

Written By: Stephenie Craig, LCSW

Stephenie is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 18 years experience specializing in emotional/relational health counseling. Stephenie loves hearing others’ stories and helping people find new perspective that produces peace, healing, and connection through individual counseling. Stephenie provides treatment for adults, teenagers, couples, and families with anxiety symptoms, parenting struggles, teen issues, depression, grief, divorce, and other life transitions. Realizing your life is out of balance and ready to schedule your initial counseling session? Connect here for information about counseling Stephenie provides and get your initial therapy session scheduled.

You Have One Life

By Todd Craig, Personal & Professional Coach

A couple of years ago I was sitting in a large meeting that I was required to attend on an annual basis. I had this moment of clarity where I realized I was listening to the same reports and debates I had heard every year for the past 15 years with no change. I thought to myself, "life is too short to waste another minute in this room.'' So, I got up and left. I ran into a friend on my way out and when I shared my moment of clarity he said this to me, "you have only one life."

I have carried, reflected and acted on that phrase over the last 18 months. My greatest desire is to live the life I am meant to live and to help others do the same. If you find yourself thinking things like, "there's got to be more than this," or "I have more to offer," I hope these ideas will help you take a next step:

1. The past is prologue - Your past may shape your future, but it doesn't have to determine it. I believe every experience, both good and bad, can contribute to your future. But, your past is not in charge of your future.

2. You are ridiculously in charge - You have only one life.....and you get to decide how to live it. You may not be in control of everything that happens in life, but you are in charge of your mindset, attitude, how you respond to situations and people, and how you move forward. You get to decide your direction and the paths you are going to pursue. And, you are making that decision everyday. You are making that decision today! The question is, are you making it intentionally?

3. Decide who you want to be - Your character, integrity and values are more powerful in determining your direction, for better or worse, than anything you will do or how well you will do it. In fact, who you are will have a huge influence on what you do. Andy Stanley put it this way, "It's always a mistake to decide what you want to do before you decide who you want to be."

4. Ask yourself, "What do I want.....really?" - This is a deceptively difficult question to answer. In fact, most of us think we know what we want until we get pressed to define it. But even then, we often answer with things we think we want.  We think we want that position, that money, that house, that car, etc. This is why adding "really" to the question is so important. Are those things more important to you than your family? Time with your kids? Your legacy? Your reputation? What's really most important to you? A great way to determine what you want...really is to consider what you want said about you at your funeral. This is a great reflection of your personal definition of success.

5. Evaluate, "Are my habits, behaviors and life choices in line with who I want to be and what I want?" - Remember, you are ridiculously in charge. You get to decide what habits, behaviors, relationships, jobs, direction, etc. you want to pursue and keep. If you are out of alignment, every day is an opportunity for a new beginning.

6. Push through the resistance - Living your one life with intentionality is a courageous path. There are other voices telling you how you should live your life. The gravity of the status quo (as umcomfortable, disappointing or painful as it may be), can be strong and challenge our desire to move forward. 

7. You don't have to walk this journey alone - You are the hero in your story and every hero has trusted voices challenging and encouraging them forward. One of my greatest desires is to help others live the life they were to live; to be the people they want to be and to pursue the life they want. If you would like help determining who you want to be, what you want and aligning habits, behaviors and life choices don't hesitate to reach out! I'd love to join you on your Brave Journey.

Daily Stabilization Skills

A balanced life is a more enjoyable, healthier life. Life balance requires attention to several areas that keep your life stabilized daily.

1. Sleep: Getting 7-8 hours sleep daily at a consistent time helps create and sustain healthy brain function. One night of poor sleep can create fogginess and cravings for carbs. People who don’t get consistent sleep tend to struggle more with health and mental health issues. Deep breathing, essential oils, reading, avoiding screens, and weighted blankets can be helpful for consistent sleep. If you have ongoing sleep issues, you may want to discuss sleep help options with your doctor.

2. Spiritual: Nurturing your spiritual life creates purpose, meaning, sense of identity, and often improved decision making. Nurturing your spiritual life may include engaging with God, a spiritual community, spiritual readings, prayer, and meditation.

3. Nutrition: What you put into your body has a significant impact on energy, thoughts, and overall health. Nutrition is less about weight loss and more about overall quality of food and drink to support healthy brain/body function. Most people benefit from reducing sugar and processed food/drink intake and increasing consumption of real food such as lean meats, fruits, vegetables, and water at regular intervals throughout the day.

4. Social: Quality and consistency of social relationships support fun, decision making, and impacts overall shaping of your values. Close, trusted, positive people can make all the difference when life gets hard. It’s important to evaluate the quality of your social relationships to determine if your close people are actually encouraging you to be a healthier human. At times it’s important to distance from relationships that aren’t serving your life well and begin developing new, positive relationships. Character matters because you are likely to become like your closest people.

5. Exercise: Movement of the body on a daily basis positively impacts energy, mood, and sense of self. Pushing yourself to do hard physical things can remind you that you can do other hard things in life. Exercise may be Yoga, Walking, Running, Gym Class, Cycling, Hiking, Chair Exercise, The important thing is that you find something that works for you, gets you moving, and that you can consistently engage most days of the week for at least 20 minutes. It may take a bit to work up to 20 minutes but it will be worth it as a more active body is a more energetic body.

6. Mental Health: If you're experiencing symptoms of mental health challenges, consistent counseling and at times, consistently taking prescribed medications is critical to gaining the necessary support for optimal mental functioning. It can be difficult to accept struggling with mental health issues. A professional can provide you with information and support you need to be a healthier you.

It can seem hard to keep these areas of life in a healthy space. Life gets busy, crisis strikes, and you may generally prioritize other things over taking care of yourself. Ultimately. it costs you more time and energy when these disciplines are out of sync. Take a moment to determine which of these 6 key areas need work in your life. Then, set one goal in one area. Then create 1-3 daily action steps that will help you reach your goal. You can do this and the truth is you really can’t afford not to.

How are you doing at keeping life in balance? Which of the above skill areas need some intentional focus?

Written By: Stephenie Craig, LCSW

Stephenie is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 18 years experience specializing in emotional/relational health counseling. Stephenie loves hearing others’ stories and helping people find new perspective that produces peace, healing, and connection through individual counseling. Stephenie provides treatment for adults, teenagers, couples, and families with anxiety symptoms, parenting struggles, teen issues, depression, grief, divorce, and other life transitions. Realizing your life is out of balance and ready to schedule your initial counseling session? Connect here for information about counseling Stephenie provides and get your initial therapy session scheduled.

Mindfulness 101

Are you finding yourself overwhelmed, irritable, and having difficulty managing life's curve balls? Maybe your brain has many tasks, fears, or disappointments running in the background preventing you from focusing on what you are doing right now. Maybe you've reflected after a day spent doing things that were supposed to be fun with your family and realized you weren't fully there because your mind was somewhere else.

Mindfulness is the practice of focusing as fully as possible on the present moment. Your brain naturally gravitates toward things from the past or things in the future, distracting you from paying attention to what's happening now. Past rumination is most commonly about past hurts or nostalgic wishes which both leave you feeling sad. Future rumination is most commonly anxiety driven, entertaining ways to control circumstances yet to come leaving you feeling powerless. The reality is that you can truly only be in the present moment and it is the moment that is most commonly neglected.

Think about it. Is it usually the present moment that is stressing you out or the thoughts running in the background while you're trying to do the present moment? In the morning, making toast and eggs isn't actually stressful if you're noticing the texture of the bread, the scent of the eggs, the color of the yolk, the sound of the toaster. The stress comes from the long to-do list you're running through your head or the conversation you're replaying from yesterday when you wished you'd thought of the excellent comeback you now have in mind.

Most of the time, the present moment is not actually that stressful when we can retrain our brains not to wander to the past and future. Easier said than done, right? I'm not going to lie. This takes repetitive mental exercise, however, your brain is wired to be remolded when you practice new habits. You are made for change. The question is, are you willing to do the work to GET WELL and LIVE WELL by pursuing presence in the current moment?

Beginning a PRACTICE OF MINDFULNESS requires that you embrace a few ideas:

• Mindfulness means NOTICING your surroundings as you observe them through your 5 senses. "I see a red car, I hear my favorite song, I feel cool air blowing on me, I feel the smooth steering wheel, I smell my peppermint car freshener."

• Mindfulness means LETTING GO of trying to CONTROL what is outside your control. Accept what is happening and think about how you can bring the best version of yourself into that situation.

• Mindfulness means LETTING GO of JUDGING people and circumstances as good/bad. Instead notice and accept behavior and circumstances as they are. Recognize that your response does not need to be determined by whether others are behaving well or badly.

• Mindfulness means NOTICING and NAMING FEELINGS without allowing your feelings to determine your response. "I'm noticing that sadness is surrounding me right now and I can feel it in my throat and in my eyes." A feeling can just be a feeling when you understand and name it.

• Mindfulness means NOTICING that thoughts and feelings come and go like waves and usually naturally move on if we do not grasp or avoid them.

• Mindfulness means PARTICIPATING fully in exactly what you are doing right now. Let go of ruminating and begin describing your present experience to yourself through your senses. "I have my hands in this warm, soapy water. It feels relaxing and the bubbles are iridescent. It smells like lemon. The sound of the water running reminds me of a creek." Allow yourself to become immersed fully in the present experience.

• Mindfulness means TENDING to each thing in it's own time. If while you are focusing on the present moment, you are noticing a repeated invasive thought about a future task, you can set aside a specific time later when you can give the future task your full attention.

• Mindfulness means DOING ONE THING AT A TIME. There is something relaxing about refusing to multitask.

Once you decide you can get on board with the ideas, begin the LIVE WELL practice of mindfulness with the following steps:

• DESCRIBE your moment by moment actions to yourself. "I am getting out of bed, the floor is cold, I'm turning on the shower..."

• NOTICE past/future oriented thoughts. "I am noticing that I'm thinking about my work meeting tomorrow."

• GENTLY DISMISS past/future oriented thoughts. "Now is not the time to think about my work meeting. I will spend 30 minutes tonight preparing for my meeting. Right now, I am focusing on....."

• RETURN to describing your moment by moment experience using your senses. "I see a blue umbrella, I smell fresh rain, I feel moisture on my skin, I hear drops of rain."

• REPEAT the process over and over knowing you are retraining your brain. And at some point in the near future, you won't have to work so hard at it!

It is most helpful to begin these steps of mindfulness during specific life activities such as teeth brushing, eating breakfast, and driving. After you build momentum in several life activities, you can begin putting your morning activities together to build hours of mindfulness. Keep in mind that it takes about 21 days to create a new habit, then additional weeks to sustain the habit.

I have found mindfulness to be an incredibly life-giving practice. I used to worry about the future throughout the day running numbers, to-dos, and planned activities through my mind. The practice of mindfulness has created a space for me to live and enjoy each day with less background noise. It has become such an ingrained habit that I now notice when the background noise returns and this is a signal to me to explore the imbalance and return to intentional mindfulness practice. Mindfulness has also significantly increased my capacity to GIVE WELL. I am more attentive, calm, and present with my family, friends, and clients without the background noise.

Mindfulness has the potential to reduce stress, decrease anxiety, improve depression symptoms, improve focus, and increase experience of daily calm. Why wouldn't you want more of that? I encourage you to take the 21 Day Mindfulness Challenge. Commit 21 days to developing this practice and track your progress along the way by journaling how you feel different.

Written By: Stephenie Craig, LCSW

Stephenie is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 18 years experience specializing in emotional/relational health counseling. Stephenie loves hearing others’ stories and helping people find new perspective that produces peace, healing, and connection through individual counseling. Stephenie provides treatment for adults, teenagers, couples, and families with anxiety symptoms, parenting struggles, teen issues, depression, grief, divorce, and other life transitions. Realizing your life is out of balance and ready to schedule your initial counseling session? Connect here for information about counseling Stephenie provides and get your initial therapy session scheduled.